Fairytales and Failures: Instincts


noun [in-stingkt]

  1. an inborn pattern of activity or tendency to action common to a given biological species.
  2. a natural or innate impulse, inclination, or tendency.
  3. a natural aptitude or gift: an instinct for making money.
  4. natural intuitive power.

Have you ever seen He’s just not that into you? Well, I’m pretty sure that’s the story of my life. I’m the ridiculous little redhead that makes every little thing way too big of a sign that he’s interested. Call me a romantic, or an over analyzer, or that I really look forward to being in love, but I get pretty excited when the first couple of dates go well.  I look for all of the positive signals and all the things about him that I like, and I take notes of the ways that he seems interested in me. But, for the most part, I think I’m pretty realistic on where we both stand. Here’s where my positive attitude gets me in trouble, I don’t always listen to that little feeling in my gut that says, “Hellooo!? Something is off here.

For example: Jack, tells me his name is Jack. Which, of course I would believe. Duh. I find out, by looking at his ID, that his name is actually Ted. Hmmm. He has some elaborate story as to why, so I decide to ignore it. As we spend more time together, he tells me that he is a gunner for a Blackhawk, he went into MMA for a bit, and he was on the road to being a Nashville country singer, along with writing songs for a country artist. Hmmm…really?!?! That’s quite a bit for a young man in his early 30’s to have achieved. Understandably, I am now having some issues believing his stories. Maybe that’s based on the fact that he wasn’t forthright about something as fundamental as his name, and therefore everything else is put into question? Maybe? On top of that, I’m the one that travels to see him, to stay the night with him, and he will go a decent amount of time without calling or texting.  Honestly, he hasn’t had to put much effort into this but, it’s because I have allowed him to set that precedent. The signs are written all over that this “relationship” will be short lived. I have no basis of trust with him, but more so, my gut tells me that he’s really not that interested. I have a brilliant friend that once told me, “There’s a difference between a man that wants me, and a man who is willing to do anything to keep me.” I know that he doesn’t have my best interest in mind. But for now, I’ll see it for what it is; the nights are good, and worth the drive (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

I am learning to listen to this instinct because it’s usually right. In the past I haven’t always done so and would end up hurt, disappointed and confused. But, it is a common recurring theme with my history, and others that I know, to excuse and trust the questionable, all for a shot at being wrong.  We trust, when we know we are being lied to. We accept the excuses. We accept being the last on the priority list. We push forward to break down the wall of the unattainable, because we want to believe in the deepest place that this person will want us. The thing is, in the same deep place sits the honest reality that it won’t happen.

There are some men, and women, that are self-pleasers, liars, and players. I’m not saying that everyone is and that you shouldn’t trust anyone. What I am saying is to listen to your intuition! When you know the facts aren’t lining up, you don’t need to have all of the details to be able to say to them, “bull crap!” When he says he likes you, but doesn’t really act on it, then he’s not really that into you. When she only calls you late at night to come keep her company, she’s not really that into you. And deep down you know it! But rejection sucks. Bite the bullet and let that person go. You’re not going to be doing yourself any favors by clinging on and expecting a change that will never happen. Women will say yes, and hang out with you in public if they like you. Men will go for what they want; allow them to be the one to fight for you. Cause let’s face it, you’re totally worth it!



Author: Date Better Boise

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