Let’s talk about online dating, a phenomenon that has taken the dating world by storm. Maybe you’ve tried one or more of these sites: Plenty of fish, Christian mingle, Zoosk, OKcupid, Tinder, eHarmony. . .and the list goes on and on! I’ve used sites that are paid, and those that are free. With all of them, I have still questioned if they make dating easier or more painful. There are a lot of success stories, though. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who met the love of your life on a site, to which I raise a glass!
When I set my profile on a dating site, I am honest. I post only recent pictures, I am descriptive on what I am looking for, and what I am not looking for, and I try to openly put my personality into it. I go into it hopeful that some handsome, intelligent man will see me and engage. The pattern usually goes like this:
1. The hello:
I have found that the classiest of opening statements come from plenty of fish. ‘Hello sexy.’ ‘Hey cutie…into black guys?’ ‘Are you one of those feminist women?’ I know that the opening statement can be risky; you don’t know if the other person will even respond. But come on! Nothing says shallow like, “hey sexy.” You can gather a lot from someone’s first remarks. Grammar, intentions, sense of humor… I find it intriguing when a guy mentions something from my profile that has caught his interest. It says that he took a bit more time to actually read about me rather than only just scoping out the pictures.
2. The body:
So, after I decide to respond, things can really get interesting! One guy started out by asking if I liked getting a foot massage. Why yes I do! It’s delightful! But this guy continued to talk about my feet for the duration of our conversation: What color are your nails? Are your feet pretty? Do you like them touched? Why do you like them touched? This dude went on and on…only about my feet. It was slightly disturbing and odd. There’s more to this girl than just a great set of feet!
What I really enjoy is the witty banter type. Someone that can make me laugh (although, not hard to do) while I’m reading the message. I’m also impressed by a guy asking questions to get to know more about me and my interests. Just goes to show that he’s not totally into himself.
3. The meeting:
We all know that the first meeting can cause a bit of anxiety. Is he going to look like his picture? Is there going to be easy conversation? I hope he’s not a creeper. Where should we go that I can easily exit if he is?! It’s quite comical really! I enjoy meeting new people, so I’m pretty comfortable in most situations. And I’ll be honest; I think it’s honorable when the guy picks up the first tab. (That’s the traditionalist in me.) A. it means he can afford it. B. it says that he’s putting forth some effort.
During one of my first meetings of late, I met a cool guy. We had easy conversation and enjoyed our time. At one point he asked me what I thought about him. I told him, “I think that you’re fun and we’d have fun hanging out, but I can’t see it being a dating relationship.” His response, “Ok, well just so you know, I’d be getting the sex from somewhere else then.” Fair enough. I appreciated his candidness, but was slightly taken aback.
4. The aftermath:
The first couple of dates can tell you pretty quick if there is sufficient chemistry/interest to continue. It can be fun and memorable in those first few dates!
Here is what I think the problem has become with online dating. The grass is greener on the right swipe of tinder. There is always another option, a backup, someone that may possibly be better looking or cooler. Guys and gals have so many options that why would they commit to just one?! People like to keep their options open. Hey! I’m guilty. I’ve done it before, but I will at least let that person know that I’m not interested instead of just leaving them high and dry. I know that we’re all searching for what we think is a perfect match. But have we stopped to think about what we really want in the first place? And will we recognize it if it’s staring at us from across the Starbucks table?
Regardless, I hope that you make many a memory and meet some awesome people. Keep your eyes open and don’t be afraid to talk to someone organically! (Yes, without the internet connecting you) Be brave in this big world.
Do you have a memorable first date? I’d love to hear about it! Leave it in the comment box below
Top photo by Alex